Back out in it.

I ventured back out. It has been a while but after what happened I don't really feel safe anywhere so I might as well get out and try to be useful.

It was a sunny day here in So Cal. I left Jan's feeling nervous but optimistic about my day. We have had to go further for supplies lately. I remembered seeing a small strip mall with a military surplus store and a liquor store not more than two miles from where we were. My objective was to find a fuel burning lamp, find some fuel, replace my hatchet/pick if possible, and hopefully find some scotch and a cigar (a reminder of normalcy to hopefully keep me grounded). I rounded the block at the end of the street and found two draggers, male and female, in full "biker" regalia standing over a knocked over motorcycle staring intently at it. I ducked behind a nearby mail box and watched. After a few moments the male dragger bent and tried to lift the motorcycle. He made a little progress until the shoulder of the arm he was using completely dislocated with a sickening pop. The motorcycle fell with a crash and his female companion looked at him blankly then gave him a shove. I couldn't stifle my laugh fast enough. It was a little zombie lovers quarrel!

They turned to me and let out the horrible moan. As they staggered toward the mail box I was behind I lined up my .22 on the first dragger and dropped him. The second dragger took two rounds but she went down without much trouble. I stood up and stepped around the mail box just as a dragger's hand struck it in an attempt to grab me! I started to back away as it grabbed for me again. We both went down. My rifle was pinned between our two bodies as we struggled on the ground. I managed to keep my trigger hand on the gun while I pushed at the neck of the dragger to try and keep his biting mouth away. I turned my head and shoved the dragger back with my offhand while simultaneously thrusting my rifle towards our heads. The muzzle lined up right under it's chin and I fired. My eyes and mouth were closed but I could still see a flash. All I heard was a ringing in my right ear. I could feel the side of my face tingling.

I pushed the corpse off and stood up. It's blood was so congealed that I hardly had any on me. I still took no chances. I scanned the area for other draggers or, God forbid, thorpes. It was clear. There was an empty Suburban across the street and it was unlocked. I climbed in quietly closing the door behind me and pulled the sanitizer from my bag. I wetted my hands and a towel and rubbed my face and head.

"AAAHHH!" It burned! Much more than it ever had before. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror. The right side of my face was burned and had black residue all over it. The muzzle blast from my rifle. I didn't even think about it. If my eyes had been open I might have been blinded! I added safety glasses to my list for the surplus store.

I finished scrubbing and scanned the area again before I got out of the Suburban. I continued on to the strip mall with extreme caution. When I arrived I went for the surplus store first (essentials before comforts). It was pretty ravaged. The gate had been broken through and the shelves had been picked over. I did find a couple of cans of lantern fuel and several different kinds of safety glasses and goggles. As I squatted to load them into my pack I noticed a small crack on the wall at floor level behind a big American flag. Walking over I lifted the flag and there was a door. Sliding a clear set of goggles on I opened the door cautiously with my rifle at the ready. It was dark so I pulled out my flashlight. A sweep of the room revealed it was piled high full of boxes! I stepped in and scanned it once again. Confident that it was empty I closed the door behind me and began searching the boxes. I found a brand new lamp and something called a SPAX Axe. It looked like just what the doctor ordered to replace the hatchet/pick. A little more svelte and it had a much better handle. I packed up my goods and replaced the flag over the closed door. I headed out.

When I entered the liquor store I couldn't believe my eyes. It had been cleaned out completely. Nothing was left. Nothing. I guess people have different priorities than I thought.

I made my way back to Jan's. The street I had the altercation on earlier was gathering draggers so I dog-legged around it.

My ear is still ringing but my face is starting to heal. There is burnt powder working it's way up through my skin. I can't believe how careless I had gotten. You have to stay on your toes if you want to survive. Never let your guard down.

A Visitor

Bianca and I were at home when it happened. Since I was feeling a little under the weather mentally Jan had decided she would go out in search of fuel for our generator. We had a lot of food still left from the daycare. It was amazing what the woman there had been able to collect. I wish I could have spoken to her before...

Jan was out looking for fuel and Bianca and I were exploring the mysteries of the looking glass with Alice. Everything was just fine. We were reading by candle light even though the sun was up (with the windows boarded up not much light gets in). Around page 47 there was a pounding on the door. It was hurried, frantic. I jumped up and grabbed for my pistol.

"What's going on?!" Bianca stammered with fear.

"I think it's a person. I have to check. Stay here." I could hear a mans voice outside the door. He was panicked, screaming for us to open up. I rushed to the door and looked through the peep hole. He was so close and flailing so much I couldn't see anything. I grabbed hold of the kick bar we have against the door but I couldn't dislodge it because of the pressure coming from the other side.

"Stop pushing!" I shouted but he just kept screaming and pounding. I set down my pistol on the table in the entry way. With my shoulder against the door I was able to dislodge the kick bar. I put my shoulder into it again and turned the knob. The door burst open sending me sprawling to the floor. The man; thin, dirty, and wild eyed, stepped into the entry with a revolver pointed at my head. He slammed the door shut and quickly scanned what he could see of the house but the barrel of the revolver never wavered. It was not a big gun but from my vantage point it looked like I could crawl down the barrel.

Looking around he asked quietly, "Is there anyone else here?"

"No it's -"

"What happened?" Bianca said as she rounded the corner to the entry way.

"On the floor girl!" he shouted at her. She dropped to the floor next to me and I took her hand. "No more lies. Is anybody else here?"

"No. She's the only other one. What -"

"Get up. Show me where the food is. And anything else you got."

We slowly got to our feet. I made Bianca walk in front of me in hopes that if he shot my body would stop the bullet and she would have a chance to run. I led the man into the kitchen. He handed me a dirty cotton bag with no straps.

"Fill it." he said.

I started pulling canned goods out of the cabinets and placing them in the bag being careful not to make sudden moves. All the while my eyes were fixed on that revolver.

"Got any batteries?" he asked when the bag was full.

"Yes. In the back room." We made our way down the hallway into the back bedroom we were using for storage and the generator.

"Double A's and and D cells. All of those you got." I bent down and started sorting through the box of batteries still trying not to make any sudden moves. He became impatient and dumped the box all over the floor. "You get down there and help!" he shouted at Bianca. As we were down on our hands and knees searching for batteries I could see the gun shifting from me to Bianca and back. His eyes were darting about and he didn't seem to sure about what he was doing.

When we had sorted out the batteries he wanted he didn't let us get up off the floor. Instead he nervously told us to turn around. I knew what was coming. I had to do something. I had to at least try to save Bianca even if I died in the process. If I could just buy her enough time to get away. I saw a wrench in front of me on the ground. I could grab it and turn and swing with all my might at the hand with the gun. I can do this. I tensed my legs for the spring into action and -

"Drop it or I will kill you where you stand."

Jan! I spun around just as the man dropped his revolver to the floor. Jan stood behind him with the barrel of her shotgun pressed against his head. I picked up the revolver and grabbed Bianca and hugged her.

"Are you two alright?" Jan asked without looking away from the man she now held at gunpoint.

"Yeah. We're fine; we're okay." I said in reply. I could feel Bianca shaking against my body. Jan had the man drop the bag where he stood and she marched him to the front door.

"Open it James." She said when she got him there.

"Hang on Jan." I went back into the storage room and grabbed a spare backpack from a pile. I unloaded the revolver, only three rounds in it, and placed the ammo in the bottom of the pack and stuffed the mans bag in on top of them. I then placed the gun in the outer pocket. When I got back to the entry way I grabbed my pistol from the table. I approached the man cautiously.

Jan tensely asked, "What are you doing?"

"Trust me Jan." I said to her without looking away from the man. "Here's some food. Your gun's in the bag. It's unloaded. I am going to open the door and you are going to leave. If you try anything we will kill you. If you come back we will kill you. Just leave and don't tell anyone about us. That's all we ask."

I opened the door and he left. He left in a hurry.

Later over a can of tomato soup Jan questioned me about what I did.

JAN: "He didn't deserve the food. He tried to steal it."

JAMES: "I know Jan but we have plenty of food. Besides sending him out there without some food and especially without a weapon -"

JAN: "You said it was unloaded."

JAMES: "It was - but the bullets were in the bottom of the bag."

JAN: "What?!"

JAMES: "Relax. I didn't let him look through the bag while he was still here did I. But what I was saying was sending him out that way would be murder."

JAN: "He would have killed you if I hadn't shown up."

JAMES: "We don't know that for sure. But even if he had it doesn't mean we should. I don't want to be like him."

BIANCA: "Neither do I."

The way it was.

I've been holed up for a week or so now. We scored a lot of food at the daycare and I just didn't see a need to go back out -not after what I saw at the facility. How could people be doing such horrible things? How could they be so cruel to each other? I've been thinking about the way it was. The way it was before this started.

I was just a regular guy. There was nothing special about me. I would go to work at the studios doing my thing. I was a "Best Boy" most of the time. Sometimes "Key Grip". Sometimes just a cord roller. But it was work and me and the other crew had a great time. We used to go out after work to a Mexican restaurant for happy hour. It was blast. Around Halloween we'd talk the effects guys into making us the most amazing costumes. You would think that after working on movies all week I would be tired of them but my favorite thing to do on a Saturday was go catch the early bird special at the movie theater and then eat some chicken wings.

I remember one day I was down by the theater and a homeless guy; real heavy and dirty who I saw talking to himself all the time; he just pulled down his pants and started to let fly with his urine! Peeing all over the plants and the walkway! The cops showed up and took him into custody with some force. He was shouting incoherently. One of them even hit him a couple of times with a baton.

We were always telling jokes on our down time on set. And it always seemed like someone had a phone or a laptop and we would all gather around for the newest funny video of the day. Sometimes on set we'd have to wait forever for an actor. They were always these prissy "stars". What a joke. They would show up and yell at everybody (their assistants most of all) saying the most terrible things about whoever got in their path. Then they would turn on the charm as soon as they saw the red light on the camera. Interviewers always portrayed them as the sweetest people; "So human." A little too human.

And TV. Man television had really gone down hill before this. I remember in the 80's and 90's when I was a kid there were shows with heart. You laughed but you also thought a little too. But the last ten years it's just been "reality" TV and new show after new show. But they never really gave any of them a chance to build a fan base. If it wasn't a hit in the first three episodes they would just axe it. So many people worked hard on that. It was somebody vision and hundreds of peoples lively hood and they just shut it down like it was a malfunctioning fan. And the news! Always another bombing or hijacking or murderer or child molester. They would sensational everything for ratings. All of it had a slant or agenda. Forget the stories that convey hope or a sense of pride in your country. Forget reporting the news and keeping the opinion for the editorial at the end. People want blood and guts. If we make them afraid they will have to watch us to find out who to be scared of today!

You know looking back from where I am now I am starting to see that people have always been horrible to each other. I was just too busy with my societies distractions and niceties to notice.